Sunday, 30 October 2016

#Blogtober16 Day 30 - A Letter to Children's TV Creators

Dear Sirs,

As I have to watch an inordinate of children's TV I would like to point out a few things I have noticed whilst watching these programmes, and also some issues I would like you to address.

Firstly, when your show is about an anthropomorphic pig and several other creatures, then the line "she can't talk, she's a fish" is probably the most ridiculous line in the history of children's television. And that's saying something. If one animal can talk then all the animals can talk. That goes for Paw Patrol too. How come only the dogs can talk? Why not the cats or the very annoying Chickaletta?!

Also, when you decided to anthropomorphise a potato, getting it to suggest that the animals need to eat all their fruit and veg sounds vaguely cannibalistic.

Character voice actors should have it in their contract that they are not allowed to do adverts. I find it very confusing to hear Daddy Pig or Miss Rabbit on an advert when I'm watching grown up TV.

For the sake of my sanity DO NOT dub American programmes with British voice actors. For one it comes over slightly stilted. For another we aren't stupid and the programme is so obviously set on the other side of the Pond so don't insult our intelligence by pretending it isn't. I'm pretty sure Mayor Goodway's American voice isn't half as annoying as her British voice.

Show the parents. My kids are firmly of the belief that Charlie and Lola and Ruby and Max are orphans.

Would it kill you to give the characters some other clothes? Poor Peppa only has one dress, which resulted in Daddy Pig having a pink football shirt.

Since when was a monkey smarter than several scientists combined? And what on earth is a monkey and a cat doing allowed in a kitchen? Health & Safety should have shut Chef Pisghetti down by now.

What is with alive vehicles? How do they pick things up when they've got wheels not hands? And what about toys that come alive? They get told to stay dehydrated and clean their teeth but when do they eat? And what about when Doc isn't around? Do they get hungry? Do they sneak down to the kitchen?

Thank you

A frustrated mum!

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